I know I’m not the perfect girlfriend. I’m immature, I can be snappy, I have a psycho-bitch mode, I’m not smart, and lastly (and I’m pretty sure you know this) I’m jealous.

I don’t even know why I’m acting like this. I know I have you and I know you’re mine, but there’s a part of our relationship that I want to have more experience on. I don’t think it will happen though.

Maybe I want to experience what she experienced when you guys are together.

Yes, you were forced to do it. Yes, you weren’t happy. But have you ever asked yourself that maybe I want to experience the same things with you?

I want to go around places with you while you’re taking pictures of me. I want to be your personal model and to fill up your memory card with my pictures and our pictures together as well. But never mind, she was your personal model first.

I want you to pick me up from school after my classes. See that red mini cooper roll down the street waiting for me to sit in the passenger’s seat. But never mind, she had the advantage of you picking her up in school first. How lucky.

I want you to go to my school events. Walk hand-in-hand on campus and making people jealous how we look good together. I walk on campus alone everyday, looking at couples that are walking hand-in-hand. Be done and over with answering questions of your whereabouts. But never mind, you already went to her school events, not to mention her achievement ceremonies.

I want you to be proud of me. Cheering me with whatever I do. Honestly, it doesn’t really seem that you’re proud of me; it hurts me so much. I know there’s a lot of room for improvement.. but I need your utmost support. But never mind, you were there cheering for her graduation from Honors College. Oh gosh, it will be a far-fetched dream for me to be in that organization.

I do want to experience everything that she experienced with you, but I will not force you to do it. I will make you do it in your own accord. Is it funny that I can’t still seem to be selfish with you? I’ll never get to have a chance with those firsts. But anyway, I’ll just take in all the pain that I am feeling right now.

Thank you for everything though. I love you.